So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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