I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
