i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
