We won't sleep together?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
