I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
