i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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