I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I fill condoms, not promises.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
