Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
