ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
