This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You were trust falling into bushes
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
