i would punch a child for taco bell
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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