DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
