I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
