I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
