he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You're like the curious george of whores
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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