I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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