Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
