Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
