My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
