I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm always down for nudity.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
