I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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