Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
