why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
