i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
