i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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