I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
