I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
