I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
