Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
