A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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