Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
