just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
