Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
