Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
time to smoke my breakfast
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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