Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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