i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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