Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
