the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
