I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
