I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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