He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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