if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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