census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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