i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
