So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
