I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
