you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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