can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
