I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
