Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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