This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
