maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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